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Apr. 8th, 2025 11:27 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
injunjaneNot to criticize anyone, just my plain unedited thoughts. I believe that everything related to genitalia is a personal matter of the genitalia's owner, but right to the point when these genitalia enter someone else's personal space.
To understand feelings of women who are not happy about this whole transgender story (former guys in toilets, changing rooms, women sports etc) one has to imagine what an average women is going through as a child, then as adolescent, then as adult. I believe men have their own horror stories on the matter of being harassed, sexually assaulted and discriminated, but it's a scientific fact well visible in the real world - an average man is taller, has thicker and longer bones and higher muscle mass than an average woman. It's statistics. My brother was not that much harassed in the army, also because not everyone is brave enough to try their fate with a tough 1m 90 cm.
And believe me or not, when half of the world are people who are purely geometrically larger (or much larger) than you, and visibly more aggressive (I don't care because of the personality or a gender role), and all this happens everywhere and on daily bases - that does make you insecure. Please don't lecture me about insecurity if you don't have the adequate life experience.
I'm a 50 kilo woman with very fragile bones even for my weight, and a wrist circle of 15 cm. Once upon a time I hit a guy (purely instinctively, without even thinking) in the jaw because the dude was stupid enough to decide he'd scare me and have fun with his equally stupid friends, and jumped in front of me with his arms wide open when I was just peacefully walking in the street. I guess his jaw hurt a bit after it, but it wasn't broken. If I was in his place and he in mine, I would be in a hospital. And this is not a statistically irrelevant example, I'm rather an average woman with my height, weight and muscle mass, and that idiot was shorter than my brother (still taller than me for about 10 cm).
When I was 8, I survived a rape attempt. I can talk about it now, but it cost me years of broken relationships, depression and psychotherapy. There were 2 guys, both the age of about 16. They brought me to some basement, and one was taking down his pants while the other was holding my shoulders. I was naive enough to not know that sex (which I knew existed) can happen without your will, they saw it and were not holding me too tight. Finally the guy without pants approached and it was looking so...disgusting, nauseous, scary, all possible horrible words...I pushed the guy who held me and ran off as fast as I could. They forgot to lock the door and it was my sheer luck. I could not go out of my apartment for days. I didn't tell my parents because of the shock.
Many years after I always hold something sharp in my hand while returning home late, just in case. I don't enter the elevator with guys when there are no women, and don't approach unknown cars. And I only survived an attempt - I have friends who survived actual rape and they're much more paranoid.
And then, a very nice person who is now a girl, with long hair and a female face, but a tall guy frame, changes in the same room as me after work. I'm trying not to be in that part and don't look, but sometimes it's hard to avoid seeing the linen she wears. And then I see a guy (I wish most guys would be like her someday meaning character, but...). I like her very much, I'd be happy to consider her my friend - but I can't take away the feeling that she's just a very nice guy. She dresses like a guy but with female bijoux and nails, she befriends guys and not girls at work. I'd like to see a girl in her but I have to make efforts to use correct pronounces and verbs (and sometimes I make mistakes).
And I think I understand some women who see a guy in a place where they can be vulnerable, and get afraid that at some moment that guy might turn not so nice at all and they will have trouble to protect themselves. I know it looks paranoid for a 'normal' person - but not at all so for someone who knows closely what actual rape is.
This is a hard choice however, what's better - to make cis-women feel insecure, or force trans-women to be vulnerable in front of cis-men some of whom can harm them.
I also wonder how the guys feel when they have a woman who changed her gender in their company. I know women who can beat guys and some of them got beaten in response. Some didn't.
I wonder how it feels. And is it as difficult as in my case.
And no, I don't feel ashamed - this text explains why.
I feel like I need to tell this to the world and get reaction, preferably rational discussion, so that we could find a way out of this problem.
To understand feelings of women who are not happy about this whole transgender story (former guys in toilets, changing rooms, women sports etc) one has to imagine what an average women is going through as a child, then as adolescent, then as adult. I believe men have their own horror stories on the matter of being harassed, sexually assaulted and discriminated, but it's a scientific fact well visible in the real world - an average man is taller, has thicker and longer bones and higher muscle mass than an average woman. It's statistics. My brother was not that much harassed in the army, also because not everyone is brave enough to try their fate with a tough 1m 90 cm.
And believe me or not, when half of the world are people who are purely geometrically larger (or much larger) than you, and visibly more aggressive (I don't care because of the personality or a gender role), and all this happens everywhere and on daily bases - that does make you insecure. Please don't lecture me about insecurity if you don't have the adequate life experience.
I'm a 50 kilo woman with very fragile bones even for my weight, and a wrist circle of 15 cm. Once upon a time I hit a guy (purely instinctively, without even thinking) in the jaw because the dude was stupid enough to decide he'd scare me and have fun with his equally stupid friends, and jumped in front of me with his arms wide open when I was just peacefully walking in the street. I guess his jaw hurt a bit after it, but it wasn't broken. If I was in his place and he in mine, I would be in a hospital. And this is not a statistically irrelevant example, I'm rather an average woman with my height, weight and muscle mass, and that idiot was shorter than my brother (still taller than me for about 10 cm).
When I was 8, I survived a rape attempt. I can talk about it now, but it cost me years of broken relationships, depression and psychotherapy. There were 2 guys, both the age of about 16. They brought me to some basement, and one was taking down his pants while the other was holding my shoulders. I was naive enough to not know that sex (which I knew existed) can happen without your will, they saw it and were not holding me too tight. Finally the guy without pants approached and it was looking so...disgusting, nauseous, scary, all possible horrible words...I pushed the guy who held me and ran off as fast as I could. They forgot to lock the door and it was my sheer luck. I could not go out of my apartment for days. I didn't tell my parents because of the shock.
Many years after I always hold something sharp in my hand while returning home late, just in case. I don't enter the elevator with guys when there are no women, and don't approach unknown cars. And I only survived an attempt - I have friends who survived actual rape and they're much more paranoid.
And then, a very nice person who is now a girl, with long hair and a female face, but a tall guy frame, changes in the same room as me after work. I'm trying not to be in that part and don't look, but sometimes it's hard to avoid seeing the linen she wears. And then I see a guy (I wish most guys would be like her someday meaning character, but...). I like her very much, I'd be happy to consider her my friend - but I can't take away the feeling that she's just a very nice guy. She dresses like a guy but with female bijoux and nails, she befriends guys and not girls at work. I'd like to see a girl in her but I have to make efforts to use correct pronounces and verbs (and sometimes I make mistakes).
And I think I understand some women who see a guy in a place where they can be vulnerable, and get afraid that at some moment that guy might turn not so nice at all and they will have trouble to protect themselves. I know it looks paranoid for a 'normal' person - but not at all so for someone who knows closely what actual rape is.
This is a hard choice however, what's better - to make cis-women feel insecure, or force trans-women to be vulnerable in front of cis-men some of whom can harm them.
I also wonder how the guys feel when they have a woman who changed her gender in their company. I know women who can beat guys and some of them got beaten in response. Some didn't.
I wonder how it feels. And is it as difficult as in my case.
And no, I don't feel ashamed - this text explains why.
I feel like I need to tell this to the world and get reaction, preferably rational discussion, so that we could find a way out of this problem.
