injunjane

Yesterday I listened to a well-known blogger covering ongoing events in Israel, and this time he was talking about global islamisation of the world.

What seemed remarkable to me was his thoughts on the problem of non-integration of Muslims into the Western culture (with the traditions that come not only from a common-root religion, Christianity, but also from the Roman law and German understanding of Ordnung). In particular, the blogger and his guest Dr. Dina Lisnyanskaya discussed the tendency of the reverse process - absorbing Muslim values by Western culture instead of converting Arabs to its own.

This seems a bit illogical: if Muslims are emigrating to countries with higher economic level, better life standards and, more importantly, with much higher respect for human rights - why not reject the values and lifestyle that keep their native countries down, accepting those that lead to social and personal prosperity?

I think these people want 'to sit on two chairs with one ass' - they want feed their Medieval fear of a god whose power is to give them good or bad life after death based only on keeping stupid rituals (because yes, in spite of those talks about being kind and decent official Islam IRL is mainly about rituals). And in the same time profit from the intellectual efforts of the culture concentrated on the real fleeting human life and making it comfortable.

The tendency that frightens me most is the Muslim vision of men and women, the statement that although 'they are formally equal' (spoiler: in fact they are not), men should be 'masculine' and women 'feminine'. Yes, that's just what we need - keeping naturally more aggressive male sex always aggressive, and bring even more progeny from women who have nothing else to do to the already heavily overpopulated planet.

What's feminine from Muslim point of view I saw very well during my three-week research in Eastern Turkey. Local girls, university students, were parading at +26C in black or dark-blue coats that didn't leave any piece of naked skin visible but were so tight one could hardly say these garments were 'modest' and 'not seductive'. Any of them had huge manicured nails, and so much makeup on their faces that by Western standards that would be for going to a night party (by Ukrainian standards some could call it 'prostitute style').

And those very feminine girls were openly pointing fingers at me right in the street, shouting "Look at her! She's not a woman! She carries a huge backpack instead of having a man do it for her!"

It seems to me that Western world started to define what's masculine or feminine in a similar way: by the looks and behaviour, ignoring actual biology. If you're a biological male but have a gentle mind, a passion for beautiful clothes and makeup - voila, you're a woman. Real men should be dirty, brutal and insensitive. Real women are defined by their seductiveness and submissiveness.

If this Medieval nonsense continues, I think humanity - and all our planet and its ecosystems, - are seriously doomed.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W1WHdbB3MG4

"Until the lion learns to write, all the stories will glorify the hunter"

Internet nowadays is full with videos suggesting how to "find purpose in life". Somehow men in the first place are supposed to have a purpose - apparently because being a purposeless woman is rather hard in our reality, others are constantly trying to find a very meaningful everyday task for her. A task of being man's servant (and also elders' servant and kids' servant) while men are engaged in their high-purpose activities as well as doing nothing - pardon my bitter sarcasm based not on some feminist reading that I don't do, but on real situations in life :)

I'm brooding over purposes often, in particular trying to understand why I always knew what I wanted and what's the meaning and purpose of my life (spoiler: not a husband and kids), but my brother and some quite close people of male sex always had troubles finding it. All of them avid computer gamers, by the way - maybe because games create an illusion of achievement while there is none IRL.

And it seems to me that this lack of purpose is directly connected to the habit of playing a role (required by the society for one's sex, age and position in the hierarchy) instead of being one's true self.

The society always tried to replace individual personalities with social roles, at the beginning for the sake of that society, and now - when the burden of being its member is IMHO much lighter than ever, - by inertia. IMHO again, the current epidemics of "men discovering themselves being a woman in a man's body" at least partly comes from confusing a social role with the biological sex. By the way, living in the void the everyday inner world of real women that does not exactly correspond to their role and thus cannot be directly perceived by someone who is not in their body.

Watched an interview with Scott Galloway and Logan Ury. While I agree with many things they say, it blew my mind how Galloway could not get out of the traditional "real man"'s role when Ury started to talk about changes in women's needs in a partnership. She noted cautiously the fact that modern women earn enough money to be independent and so, they now often look for emotional support from their spouse or partner instead of getting money (even for raising children). He didn't even argue but simply ignored that note, going on and on about some "statistics from dating cites that show"...of course they show that women on the date cites (part of whom are simply bots generated by system to increase the paid time spent in dialogs) prefer men with higher income.

Income, income, income. A role that replaces any kind of purpose for a modern so-called "real man".

Why not to look at our life and see that modern society is a structure that can be duped (unlike say Medieval society) in the way that you give it a portion of your time, then go home and be yourself? Read the books you like, listen to the music you like, wear your favourite clothes, discover the Universe's mysteries and just don't ask the world if you do it right or not...

Not to criticize anyone, just my plain unedited thoughts. I believe that everything related to genitalia is a personal matter of the genitalia's owner, but right to the point when these genitalia enter someone else's personal space.

To understand feelings of women who are not happy about this whole transgender story (former guys in toilets, changing rooms, women sports etc) one has to imagine what an average women is going through as a child, then as adolescent, then as adult. I believe men have their own horror stories on the matter of being harassed, sexually assaulted and discriminated, but it's a scientific fact well visible in the real world - an average man is taller, has thicker and longer bones and higher muscle mass than an average woman. It's statistics. My brother was not that much harassed in the army, also because not everyone is brave enough to try their fate with a tough 1m 90 cm.

And believe me or not, when half of the world are people who are purely geometrically larger (or much larger) than you, and visibly more aggressive (I don't care because of the personality or a gender role), and all this happens everywhere and on daily bases - that does make you insecure. Please don't lecture me about insecurity if you don't have the adequate life experience.

I'm a 50 kilo woman with very fragile bones even for my weight, and a wrist circle of 15 cm. Once upon a time I hit a guy (purely instinctively, without even thinking) in the jaw because the dude was stupid enough to decide he'd scare me and have fun with his equally stupid friends, and jumped in front of me with his arms wide open when I was just peacefully walking in the street. I guess his jaw hurt a bit after it, but it wasn't broken. If I was in his place and he in mine, I would be in a hospital. And this is not a statistically irrelevant example, I'm rather an average woman with my height, weight and muscle mass, and that idiot was shorter than my brother (still taller than me for about 10 cm).

When I was 8, I survived a rape attempt. I can talk about it now, but it cost me years of broken relationships, depression and psychotherapy. There were 2 guys, both the age of about 16. They brought me to some basement, and one was taking down his pants while the other was holding my shoulders. I was naive enough to not know that sex (which I knew existed) can happen without your will, they saw it and were not holding me too tight. Finally the guy without pants approached and it was looking so...disgusting, nauseous, scary, all possible horrible words...I pushed the guy who held me and ran off as fast as I could. They forgot to lock the door and it was my sheer luck. I could not go out of my apartment for days. I didn't tell my parents because of the shock.

Many years after I always hold something sharp in my hand while returning home late, just in case. I don't enter the elevator with guys when there are no women, and don't approach unknown cars. And I only survived an attempt - I have friends who survived actual rape and they're much more paranoid.

And then, a very nice person who is now a girl, with long hair and a female face, but a tall guy frame, changes in the same room as me after work. I'm trying not to be in that part and don't look, but sometimes it's hard to avoid seeing the linen she wears. And then I see a guy (I wish most guys would be like her someday meaning character, but...). I like her very much, I'd be happy to consider her my friend - but I can't take away the feeling that she's just a very nice guy. She dresses like a guy but with female bijoux and nails, she befriends guys and not girls at work. I'd like to see a girl in her but I have to make efforts to use correct pronounces and verbs (and sometimes I make mistakes).

And I think I understand some women who see a guy in a place where they can be vulnerable, and get afraid that at some moment that guy might turn not so nice at all and they will have trouble to protect themselves. I know it looks paranoid for a 'normal' person - but not at all so for someone who knows closely what actual rape is.

This is a hard choice however, what's better - to make cis-women feel insecure, or force trans-women to be vulnerable in front of cis-men some of whom can harm them.

I also wonder how the guys feel when they have a woman who changed her gender in their company. I know women who can beat guys and some of them got beaten in response. Some didn't.
I wonder how it feels. And is it as difficult as in my case.

And no, I don't feel ashamed - this text explains why.
I feel like I need to tell this to the world and get reaction, preferably rational discussion, so that we could find a way out of this problem.

At my current job we have a person who identifies as female, goes to women's restroom and keeps her things in the female locker room.

But it's clear that she's a guy (maybe a former guy who just have undergone a surgery). Her voice, her manners, her habit to communicate mostly with guys in our team than with ladies. I omit some other details because they are too personal.

She's really kind and intelligent - but I'm asking myself, is kindness, softness of character and avoiding of conflicts automatically make someone a woman? IMHO these traits make someone a human being.

For me to be a woman means that from 1 to 4 days a month I'm having excruciating pains and severe bleeding, to avoid which I'm regularly taking several kinds of pills. Knowing that it's all for nothing because I'm not going to have kids. Even if I would, for me that would mean I'd have to spend minimum 2 years of my life for each child without normal sleep and in constant stress. Because breast feeding and at least first years of raising a child are traditionally women's responsibility - I see almost no progress during the last 10+ years towards something new, at least not in the country I'm living in.

Also, to be a woman for me means I'm physically weaker than an average man. Unlike my she-colleague who is as tall and strong as usual guys. I was trying to get some muscles, agility etc etc by attending aikido lessons - and the main lesson I learned after sparring with guys that in most cases I stand no chance. And it's better to learn how to run fast than how to fight.

Also I learned that to be a woman means I'm supposed to love kids (which I neither love nor hate) and all the activities that do not require physical strength but instead take almost all my free time. This is the price. "You don't drive (yes I don't, even after getting a license, due to my personal issues) - I drive us both couple of time a week, and you cook and clean most of the days".

Also I understood that sex does not constitute the core of my existence, I usually do not make decisions based on my sexual drive, and each time I have it - I'm in fear of getting pregnant. Because (with a very, very small but yet nonzero probability) I can and because that's the usual story with most of my female friends. Guys probably never get it, she certainly doesn't get it.

So, I really like her, my new colleague, and I tell her nothing.
But sometimes I want to ask her, does she really understand what it is -

to be a woman.