injunjane

At my current job we have a person who identifies as female, goes to women's restroom and keeps her things in the female locker room.

But it's clear that she's a guy (maybe a former guy who just have undergone a surgery). Her voice, her manners, her habit to communicate mostly with guys in our team than with ladies. I omit some other details because they are too personal.

She's really kind and intelligent - but I'm asking myself, is kindness, softness of character and avoiding of conflicts automatically make someone a woman? IMHO these traits make someone a human being.

For me to be a woman means that from 1 to 4 days a month I'm having excruciating pains and severe bleeding, to avoid which I'm regularly taking several kinds of pills. Knowing that it's all for nothing because I'm not going to have kids. Even if I would, for me that would mean I'd have to spend minimum 2 years of my life for each child without normal sleep and in constant stress. Because breast feeding and at least first years of raising a child are traditionally women's responsibility - I see almost no progress during the last 10+ years towards something new, at least not in the country I'm living in.

Also, to be a woman for me means I'm physically weaker than an average man. Unlike my she-colleague who is as tall and strong as usual guys. I was trying to get some muscles, agility etc etc by attending aikido lessons - and the main lesson I learned after sparring with guys that in most cases I stand no chance. And it's better to learn how to run fast than how to fight.

Also I learned that to be a woman means I'm supposed to love kids (which I neither love nor hate) and all the activities that do not require physical strength but instead take almost all my free time. This is the price. "You don't drive (yes I don't, even after getting a license, due to my personal issues) - I drive us both couple of time a week, and you cook and clean most of the days".

Also I understood that sex does not constitute the core of my existence, I usually do not make decisions based on my sexual drive, and each time I have it - I'm in fear of getting pregnant. Because (with a very, very small but yet nonzero probability) I can and because that's the usual story with most of my female friends. Guys probably never get it, she certainly doesn't get it.

So, I really like her, my new colleague, and I tell her nothing.
But sometimes I want to ask her, does she really understand what it is -

to be a woman.