To be female

[injunjane]

At my current job we have a person who identifies as female, goes to women's restroom and keeps her things in the female locker room.

But it's clear that she's a guy (maybe a former guy who just have undergone a surgery). Her voice, her manners, her habit to communicate mostly with guys in our team than with ladies. I omit some other details because they are too personal.

She's really kind and intelligent - but I'm asking myself, is kindness, softness of character and avoiding of conflicts automatically make someone a woman? IMHO these traits make someone a human being.

For me to be a woman means that from 1 to 4 days a month I'm having excruciating pains and severe bleeding, to avoid which I'm regularly taking several kinds of pills. Knowing that it's all for nothing because I'm not going to have kids. Even if I would, for me that would mean I'd have to spend minimum 2 years of my life for each child without normal sleep and in constant stress. Because breast feeding and at least first years of raising a child are traditionally women's responsibility - I see almost no progress during the last 10+ years towards something new, at least not in the country I'm living in.

Also, to be a woman for me means I'm physically weaker than an average man. Unlike my she-colleague who is as tall and strong as usual guys. I was trying to get some muscles, agility etc etc by attending aikido lessons - and the main lesson I learned after sparring with guys that in most cases I stand no chance. And it's better to learn how to run fast than how to fight.

Also I learned that to be a woman means I'm supposed to love kids (which I neither love nor hate) and all the activities that do not require physical strength but instead take almost all my free time. This is the price. "You don't drive (yes I don't, even after getting a license, due to my personal issues) - I drive us both couple of time a week, and you cook and clean most of the days".

Also I understood that sex does not constitute the core of my existence, I usually do not make decisions based on my sexual drive, and each time I have it - I'm in fear of getting pregnant. Because (with a very, very small but yet nonzero probability) I can and because that's the usual story with most of my female friends. Guys probably never get it, she certainly doesn't get it.

So, I really like her, my new colleague, and I tell her nothing.
But sometimes I want to ask her, does she really understand what it is -

to be a woman.

Comments

[1251]

She sounds like more of a woman than me. And I've got a uterus. xD

[injunjane]

who is a woman, in your opinion? is it a physical/biological or psychological quality?

unfortunately, for me to be a woman is a purely biological thing.

I personally think that human intellect does not belong to any sex, because I can't imagine any 'male math/female math', 'male music/female music', 'male science/female science'.

All that I identify as a woman in me or any other person is connected to sexual relationships and reproduction :)

[1251]

A woman is someome who identifies herself as such (Similarly, a man is someone who identifies himself as such, etc, etc...)

And by identify I mean what you feel in your heart and soul.

But if that answer is too feelomhs-based for you, then ...

Gender dysphoria is a real illness and the treatment for it is to transition. And someone's medical information is private, so when i hear someone say "my pronouns are...." i just use those because its easier for me.

[injunjane]

good point, yes

I wonder though, how one can feel oneself a woman in heart and soul while never experiencing actually being one (physiologically and socially)? Yes people can watch a lot of movies and construct the psychological image of a certain gender, also copy the behavior of someone they know who is 'real woman'/'real man', but would it really be an actual woman/actual man?

I once had a blog in which I tried to be a guy. It worked on several girls, they believed :) but I'm still no closer to feel what actually means to be a guy with male physiology.

Also, one of my most cherished friends who is a male gay, wrote this as a reason why some people choose to be gay (in a homophobic Eastern European society): it's easier to understand what other person feels (including sex) if you are physiologically of the same sex (male sex in his case).

Worked for me as well but only in some particular cases. Most women are alien to me, same as most men

[injunjane]

I also wonder, if there is such problem as gender dysphoria, psychological asexuality is also illness? Or it's just how human mind should be in its pure form?

I'm trying to respect any identity and pronounces people want me to accept (apart of some very manipulative cases), because accepting people as they are is the way to give them our love and appreciation :)

[injunjane]

but maybe I'm wrong so I'm sincerely opened to discussion